Sunday, December 5, 2010

Something You Should Do If You're Interested In Things That Are Amazing

What You Gon' Need: a baguette, Brie cheese, butter, half a pound of thinly sliced prosciutto, a jar of fig preserves

Buy the sexiest, best feeling baguette you can find. It should be crispy on the outside and soft and airy in the middle. Like a well-done infant. Halve the baguette and slather each side with an amount of butter that you feel mildly guilty about using. You don't have to send yourself into cardiac arrest but get some respectable coverage. Once your baguette is buttered (patent pending on that phrase), take your wheel or wedge of Brie and scoop out the creamy goodness with a butter knife. Brie is a great spreading cheese with a sultry texture. Repeat with the Brie what you did with the butter.

Enter Prosciutto. You know how in the Boar's Head commercials how they always show closeups of someone artfully draping meat onto a piece of bread? Do that. I said half a pound earlier because prosciutto is mad expensive, but if your cured meat perdeum happens to be particularly high, then by all means, adorn this baguette with as much salty swine as your heart desires.

By now you should be in the early stages of salivating over your work station. I encourage picking as you go. Lick butter off your knife and then stuff a piece of prosciut in your mouth. You'll see. Now you are ready to get figgy wid it. I've seen jars of fig preserves or jam sold in major supermarkets before, but I've also stood despondent and enraged before six shelves worth of Smuckers strawberry jelly, so its possible you might need to go to a smaller, gourmet-ish deli to copp the good stuff. Anyway, take the top half of your baguette and slather it with a generous layer of the fig and place it on top of the incredible looking bottom portion to form the most groundbreaking, earth shattering sandwich you've ever laid eyes on. At some point during the construction of this epic monstrosity, preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Wrap the entire baguette in tin foil and place in the oven for 15-20 minutes.

I'm not going to lie. These several minutes will be torturous. You will find yourself staring mesmerized into the oven like an anxious Sylvia Plath. But your patience will be of great reward, because when you finally take this thing out of the oven to slowly and sensuously undress it from its aluminum negligee, your senses are going to be bombarded with a barrage of such delectable stimulation you will be hard pressed to maintain your balance as your knees will undoubtedly be wobbling like a newborn doe taking its first awkward but excited steps.

Let the thing cool for a minute, place it on a cutting board and slice it into as many pieces as you want.

What you will experience upon biting into it is an oral overload of mouth watering amazingness. The rich creaminess of the Brie combined with the saltiness of the prosciutto and the sweetness of the fig will undoubtedly render you incapable of speech or even rational thought. So surrender yourself to this impeccable compilation of easily obtained ingredients and enjoy.

1 comment:

  1. I'm making this asap. Might I suggest fig and walnut butter from Stonewall Kitchen? So delicious...